Sweet Summertime ๐ŸŒป

Who has a lot of things to study for  upcoming exams and still re-reads ‘Dandelion Wine’ and gets super excited for summer? Yaay, me ! Honestly, I hate the weather in summer, because it’s too damn hot, but the fact that there are no lessons and exams and plenty of spare time to do anything you want really fascinates me.  

For me summer doesn’t necessarily begin on first June. It can begin earlier or a bit later. As in ‘Dandelion Wine’ summer has its own rutine for me. When you feel it’s actually summer and not from the calendar. No. You know it from the birds singing early in the morning, from the light fresh breeze that makes you feel really cool, from all these fruits and vegetables that become your everyday meal. You know it’s summer, when you hear children playing and making noises in the yard, or when the neighbors get together to play cards, or just talk and laugh. And though all this noise sometimes  drives you crazy, you still enjoy it, because it’s summer, it’s a part of it. When everyone gets out to their balconies and put the chairs to sit there in the evenings and feel the atmosphere of freedom. It’s when you make crazy plans with your friends, and sometimes you don’t even fulfill all of them, but still it’s fun, because you have something to share together, to dream together, that’s what matters the most. It’s the time when you write bucket lists for your holidays and share them with your friends and family. You find new recipes to make something from the yummy fruits, you make lists of movies and books, or think about all the things you can do to make this summer unforgettable.

My favorite part is when you stay up all night, listening to old and new songs, or just to the sound of grasshoppers. You feel the smell of summer-nights, and don’t you dare to tell me these nights don’t have a smell, because they do. They smell like freedom, like life, like memories. All the memories that you’ve had through years, they are all collected in songs and the air of summer-nights.  And you feel how much you and the world have changed. You are not a little kid anymore, playing games all day long. But somehow you are still the same. With the great expectations and dreams, with the same positive and full of love attitude towards the upcoming summer, life or world. You live a whole life throughout a night. You see how a city fells asleep, becomes silent and hush for a while and then wakes up with the dawn. The birds begin to sing again, the sun rises, and everything starts all over again with new energy.

I wonder if everyone has the same routine for their summers. Or just other routine, does everyone have it? When they feel the summer and everything connected with it. The sun, the flowers, the wind, which makes you feel like in a paradise after a hot day. Does everyone have the evening walks and highly psychological conversations with friends till midnight? Or the lazy days with great movies ice-cream and popcorn? Or the expectation to jump into the pool just to chill, or to get out of the city even for an hour, just to breathe fresh air and get away from rushing city? I’m lucky that I do. Like a child I always expect something great and magical from the summer. And it never disappoints me. That sweet summertime. ๐ŸŒžโฃ๏ธ

Me, myself and I โ˜ฏ๏ธ

Have you noticed that whenever you ask someone who is the most important person in their life, the answer is always something like, my mother/father/friend/husband etc. I’ve never heard someone saying that they are the most important person in their lives. It really makes me think about our priorities. Why don’t we ever value ourselves? Why do we think that everyone else is more important than we are. Everyone keeps saying that we should be altruistic and think of other people and only then think of ourselves, but why? Would it be egoistic, thinking about yourself first? Hell yes, but who said that egoism is a bad thing? On the contrary, it is not only normal, but also a great thing. Of course everything is good within some limits, but thinking about yourself, your well-being, your comforts isn’t a bad thing. We were born alone, and we are going to die alone. But also our whole life we live alone. I’m not saying that we don’t have close people, who can always help and support you, but, let’s be real, no one can feel the pain that you feel, when you break your leg, when you have a headache etc. No one can feel what’s going inside your head when you truly fear something, when you have a panic attack or depression. No one, but you. The others can understand and support you, but they can never feel it the way you do. Or when you do something that you enjoy, when you get obsessed with another book or tv-show, only you can truly understand yourself and your love with it. So, doesn’t it mean, that you’re your only closest and best friend or person? I think it does. And if so, why we always put ourselves on the last place? Trying to adapt and agree with everything, even if it is not in our favor? We always try to be liked and appreciated, when in reality we don’t like and appreciate ourselves. We always do something we don’t wanna do, because of others opinion, because of some stereotypes, or because someone might be offended if you won’t do what they want. We always try to please everyone, our parents, fruends, the teacher, the society, but why? I mean, I don’t think that your parents would love you less if you didn’t become the most successful and richest economist or lawyer in the world, if you won’t feel happy from that. Your friends will not get offended if you didn’t do something for them, if they are your real friends. And I don’t mean, that we should never help anyone or we should  only live for ourselves, no. If you feel, that you can and you truly want to do something for another person, do it. But even if you can, and you don’t want to, you better not do it, because it will only harm both of you. If you don’t feel comfortable than don’t do it just to please them. Because only you will know how bad it feels or how uncomfortable or insecure you are, and no one will understand you. 

And, in the same way, don’t expect everyone to help you, to do something for you. Don’t connect your aims, dreams plans with anyone, because everyone gets their own lives and no one must do anything for you. Don’t force the others to do what you want, because throughout some time, you will have no one by your side. No one likes to be commanded or forced to do anything.

I think, this is one of the most important things that we should be taught at school. Not the unnecessary history, like who killed whom, who was the king like 1800 years ago. Or chemistry or maths or whatever. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say that we should be uneducated, but frankly, who still remembers what they learned in school?~Awkward silence… Wouldn’t it be better, if we learn how to be happy, how to live this life, what is the real friendship or relationship? The universal truth, that, unfortunately, not everyone knows. Faking our personalities, friendships  or relationships, being forced to do something we don’t wanna do, living the life, we don’t wanna live. Playing like puppets or actors in a movie, we don’t wanna even watch. And then complaining, complaining, complaining…Nope, I don’t want to live like this, I didn’t sign for it.

Everything will change if you learn to live for yourselves, to live your happy lives. Lear how to appreciate and love yourself, start saying no without any explanation, justification or apology. Stop saying sorry for everything, for a better opportunity, better life or the last slice of pizza. Prioritize your life correctly, and put yourself, your physical and mental health, you comfort, your goald and dream on the first place. Will people get offended when you refuse to do what they want? Yes. Is there a possibility that they can leave you and not talk to you? Hmm, yes. But do you really need this kind of people? No. Your closest people will stay with you anyway. And believe me, you won’t even care about anyone alse or their opinions once you are truly sincerely happy.

Spring changes ๐ŸŒฟ

If you’re waiting for a sign to do something, or start something, this is it, this is your sign.

One of the flaws of all people, is that we are always waiting for something and putting off our lives, dreams and goals.  We wait for a better moment, better opportunity and so on, while our days are just disappearing, leaving only the memories of unfulfilled dreams. But in reality all we have is now, and we should start living our dreams and not only dreaming them. And though we can change our lives at any moment, spring is the best time for doing it. Personally, spring is my most favorite season, along with summer, autumn and winter. Oh wait, but there’s only four of the seasons,,,exactly! I love seeing how the nature changes, how the trees grow, blossom and then say goodbye to their leaves for a while. The more I grow up, the more I feel the connection of me and nature. I don’t want to be like all the humans, with their “busy heads and problems”. I want to be like nature. Always in a harmony, in peace, concentrating on my inner self, my real dreams, my soul and my intuition. Why I say that spring is the best time for changes, is because only now people can see, that even after autumn storms and wind, and cold snowy winter days, everything goes back to normal. The grass grows, flowers bloom as though there were no cold autumn and winter in their lives. It’s a normal, natural cycle. After some great times and achievements you can face some disappointments and failures, but it’s not a reason to give up, to think that life is over and you are not able to change anything. I hate when people say, I can’t change anything. Hell no. If you really want to, you will. You can stop thinking about difficulties, prejudices, people’s opinions and start living your life the way you want. 

Again, one of the good features of the nature is the concentration on itself. I mean, we, people, always compare ourselves to others, and not in a good way. We think that the others are better, smarter or more beautiful than us. We have created some stereotypes in our dumb heads, and want to correspond to them, when in reality, all the stereotypes and definitions are illusions. Just imagine two different types of trees, or animals, thinking that they are not as good as the other one, and start to imitate each other. A rose trying to look like a lilac, or an elephant, trying to look like a wolf. Funny, isn’t it? And we do the same. And yes, I can compare people to nature and animals, because we are all the same. Some with greater intelligence than the others, but still the same. And guess what? We are not the ones with greater intelligence in this case. 

Just stop whatever you are doing and look out of the window or go outside alone. Look at all the trees and bushes and flowers. Try to feel them, feel your connection to them. See how beautiful and peaceful they are. How they enjoy the drops of the rain. How they gain energy from the sun. How the rain washes away all the negative and dirty stuff, giving a clear fresh start to everything. How the Sun warmes us and gives us light and life. How the clouds swim peacefully in the sky, how beautiful and mild, but at the same time, how powerful they are. And remember that we are also the same. We can stop comparing us to other people with their flaws, and start paying more attention to the flawless great nature and try to change the negative and bad that we have. We are a part of nature. If we shut up all the stupid thoughts that our brain is creating for us, we will hear our soul and our heart’s desire. We will finally find our real selves. And that’s what the true meaning of this life is.

Mischief Managed โšก๏ธ

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good “

These lines, this story, my life.  People used to tell me that this is just a phase, and it will go away. They can’t even realise how wrong they were.  For all the mugles, who will read this and be confused, I’ll explain. I’n talkin now about Harry Potter, aka a part of my life. Why I suddenly felt inspired of it, is because I haven’t watched all the movies for almost two years. Can you imagine it Carl? Two years! It’s like if a normal person wouldn’t sleep for like two days, that’s what it means to me. I just re-watched the third part of the franchise, and that’s why I feel so inspired now. 

You know the feeling when you watched a movie, for example three years ago, and then, when you re-watch it, you remember that period of your life? When I watch Harry Potter, I can remember my whole life, without any exaggerations. I can remember the first time I watched this third movie, when I just bought the cassette tape with it, imagine now, how old is this memory. I can remember me watching the movie in my first grade, second grade, and so on, until now. What I mean, is it wasn’t just a phase. It was a great part of my childhood, teenage years, of my life. It was never just an interest, that I’d read and watch and then forget.

A lot of people wonder why it is so important for me. I don’t think I can give a satisfying explanation but I can try. I grew up with Harry. He grew up with me. I was there for him in his difficult times, and vice versa. When I had problems, difficulties, I always remembered that I wasn’t alone. This story, and Hogwarts was like a home for me,  a shelter, where I could hide from everythin, where I felt myself good and safe. Hogwarts is more close to me, than my real school ever was. When I think of it, I imagine a very cozy, warm and happy place, where I can always find help and peace. Being an extraordinary and creative child, it was always hard live in a normal and boring world. So the imaginary world of HP always helped me get through this life. I always cried and rejoiced for everything in that story, and I know that it’s kinda stupid, but I always felt like the story did the same for me. And nothing has ever changed until now. 

The music is a whole other topic to talk about. I love to listen to the soundtracks of the movies, they are too damn perfect. I once wrote that, while listening to these songs, I don’t want to breathe, because I am afraid that I can lose the music that is inside me. I can’t describe the feeling that I have when listening to this music. It’s goosebumps all over my body, butterflies in my stomach, and a hard but at the same time an amazing feeling in my heart. I don’t just listen to the songs. I live with and by them. Especially in rainy gloomy  weather, when I can feel more like in HP world. The dark sky and lush green trees and the croak of ravens remind me so much of Hogwarts, and it is the best combination for me.

I really hope that nobody will take me to a mental hospital after all this weird stuff that I wrote. I just haven’t felt so good and inspired for a very long while. I’m just forever thankful to HP for breaking into my life and changing it forever, changing me forever. I am absolutely sure that I wouldn’t be the same person as I am now without it. And I’m always grateful for that. 

Gothic Vienna ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น

How fast time flies. It feels like it was yesterday, that I was living my dream in Vienna, and now I’m back  home, left with memories and photos only. So, I’d like to summarize my little holiday week in a blog with all my impressions and photos.

I want to start by saying that it was a city of gloomy weather. And not because I love that weather. It just felt right when it was cloudy, and incomplete when sun was shining. All the buildings were in different colors with red or dark brown roofs, and their brightness was more definite when it was cloudy. And also everything was built in my lovely gothic style, so the gloomy sky made it more mysterious. Especially in evenings, when I was walking in parks or around churches, and there were not so many people, I truly felt myself like in  Tim Burton’s movies, which was one the best feelings I could have. 

Though the buildings were in different colors, the whole city was united and in a harmony, something that I hadn’t seen in a while. You walk in streets, and you can feel that everything is in its place, there is no unnecessary redundancy. It became more obvious, when we went to the top of the tower of a church, and saw the panorama of the city. Oh my God, I can still see that in my head, the most beautiful thing I’ve seen, except for sea. It was like a little victory, a sense of achievement that I will never forget.  You could see not only the beauty, but also the harmony and calmness of the city. And I couldn’t imagine that this all was created by humans, because it was heavenly beautiful. And I am using the word heavenly, a word that I used before only for describing nature, so, imagine how good it was.

I loved that city. Have I already said it? Well, yes, but I don’t care, I loved it. You know the feeling, that you don’t belong to the place where you live? You are like a white crow of the society, everywhere you go, you feel odd. It’s not that I am bad and the others good or vice versa. It’s just not your place, not your culture, people or even climate. When you feel  that the place where you live is kind of toxic for you, and not because it’s bad. It can be the most beautiful and cool city in the world, but still it’s not yours. So that’s me, the story of my life. Just in a week I felt that it was my motherland, I looked at people, strangers, and they felt like, I don’t know, relatives, or close people to me. As I believe in reincarnation, I truly think that I was living there. Maybe not in  Vienna exactly, but in an old germanic country and culture. And my soul still desires for that city, it still feels comfortable and good there. And my main goal became clear, to live where my heart wants to be, and where I feel myself happy and free as a bird. 

So back to Vienna. The seven days felt both as an infinity and as a split second, which still is a weird thing for me. And I’ll give this city 10/10, because of all the things mentioned above. And also, you can’t consider your own spiritual motherland as a bad place, that is less than 10/10, can you? โฃ๏ธ

The end of an era…

After a long deep conversation you feel like you need to write down everything you were just saying, because, though the conversation is over, the words are still speaking in your mind. 

Everything changes. I know I said it too much, but that’s the true. Every era ends, no matter whether it is a bad and sad era, or a good and happy one. And it just hurts, when you live your life now, you see some people and speak to them, laugh with them, but you know, that one day, these all will only be a memory. And even if that one day will come in 5 or 10 years, it still hurts to know that everything comes to its end. You are young now, you enjoy your life, have fun with your friends, but one day, you will be someone’s wife, someone’s mother, and the same will be with your friends. I am not saying that it is bad to be married, I’m bringing this as an example. You will not be same, and no one will. You can’t just sit and talk with your friends for hours like you used to do, when you become a mother, for example. You’ll have another interests or problems to think about. 

Or sometimes people just leave, and even if it’s for your own sake, there are times, that you miss the period of your life, when you spend your every day with that person. You don’t want that person to be in your life again, but you still think about your adventures together. Sometimes you miss the memories and not the person. And it’s true, it always is. A  person can still be in your life, you can still see them every now and then, but your connection or relationship is not the same, because you have changed, and because that person has chaned, and it doesn’t matter wherher you changed for good or bad, you are a different person now. I know that this is not a discovery, it is a true fact, that you always know. But it’s different to know and to realize. As Sherlock would say, “you see, but you don’t observe”. I always knew all these things, now that I am saying, but now it is a time for me to feel this, to feel the pain of the paradox of life. When you get comfortable in a place, with some people, the circumstances change, and you have to get used to something again, and that circle goes unbroken. Of course, I know, that everything has a reason, that everything happens for us to learn sth new, to develop our mind and soul, to go on another, higher spiritual level of life, but still, the truth hurts sometimes. 

All I wanted to say, is that, this will end either way, so it’s our decision, whether to enjoy this very moment completely, with our hearts and souls, or to think about past or worry about the future, loosing our life to live. It’s our choice to end up with memories or regrets. 

I don’t want to leave out my life. And  sometimes I write all this stuff not to inspire others, but to inspire myself, to see my thoughts or worries  in a formed way, to have the right motivation to live. Because, who am I kidding, we are all  more or less egoistic, and the first person we think of, is ourselves. Which isn’t that bad in reality, but this is a whole other story. ๐Ÿ”š

Where’s the world I used to live in? ๐ŸŒ

Today was one of my nostalgic days, looking through the old photos and remembering everything. And I discovered for myself a very important thing. This world isn’t the same anymore. Primitive? Yeah, everyone says that, but I don’t think everyone really gets that. People used to be so much happier, brighter and lighter (in both senses of the word) than they are now. People knew how to live, how to have fun. When I was a child, there weren’t such luxurious cars and houses and phones and so on, everything was simple, and poorer, but it seems like people didn’t care about that. When it snowed, for example, nobody was complaining that much. They didn’t think about the inconvenience or  dirt, everyone was going outside and playing, and I am not talking about the kids only. I am talking about the same adults that now behave themselves like Scrooges. And people were less careless, but much simpler and kinder. Everyone’s houses were almost the same, little, old, but really warm and cozy, because you could feel the spirit of the home, and not just a house where people just eat and sleep. I look through the pictures of birthdays, New Years, or just gatherings, and I see the sincere joy, how people enjoyed their time, sitting and talking about stuff, dancing or playing sth. Now everything is compulsory. To go to someone’s birthday not because you want to, but because you have to, it’s not polite and rude and bla bla bla. Because people forgot what it means to have real fun. Because whenever you try to make a conversation it usually begins with complaining and negativity. People are becoming robots, machines, that have some functions in their frames and they must do them. 

I really miss that times, and I really pity the fact, that we can’t turn time back and have now what we had before. And I’m looking through the photos…2000, 2003, 2006, 2008, 2010 and so on.. Everything is becoming newer, more beautiful, more luxurious, the houses the streets the cars. And in the contrary, people are becoming sadder more depressed and you can totally see that on their faces, the unhappy faces, like they have the world’s problem. And that’s the thing. That’s what I understood. People and their lives are getting richer, while the persons and their souls are getting poorer. And the worst part is that it is unalterable. Even if you try to live, let’s say, out of this material world, it will not change the whole world. 

And every time I am getting more sure that happiness is not money. It’s not wealth, it’s not the new iphone 7, which, in fact is almost the same damn thing as iphone 6. And if someone “is the happiest person in this world” because he/she got the new iphone, or a car for example,  I am really sorry for that person because he/she doesn’t know what is real happiness. Of course it’s great to get happy for everything, even for a chocolate for instance, but you can’t connect your happiness with materialistic stuff. It feels like I am repeating the same thing over and over again, but that’s what’s going on in my head now, and I think I could write volumes on this subject. 

Happiness is so simple. It’s inside us, inside every single one of us. And it’s the highest level of absurd   trying to find it somewhere else, connect it with someone or something, while in reality it lives in our souls. I really hope that everyone would understand that and stop the process of robotization, just thinking about money, how to get it, how to keep it, how not to lose it. You will not have money when you die, but you’ll have your souls. Don’t let them die before your bodies do. 

P.S. when I say everything or everyone I don’t literally mean it, I am really happy that there are still many exceptions. It’s just easier to speak with generalization.

Too much of Rome ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น

Rome, the city of love…pff, who am I kidding, the city of pizza, of course, I would eat it every single day. #pizzaislife ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ•

So what was I speaking about? Yeah right, Rome. The beautiful city with positive and warm aura. With the sky so bright, and the streets and building so artistics, that not every picture or sculpture can replace it. I was like a building-maniac, taking pictures of every building I see, because they were all so damn beautiful. I got very envious of peope who live there and get to see all that every day. And everything was filled with so much positive and great energy that you never felt tired, even after walking 15km per day. You could feel the soul, the spirit of the country, and it is true that the dwellers represent their country, their culture. Just like italians, their city is really joyful and, I don’t know how to say that, alive maybe? That’s the thing I love about this kind of cities. You don’t have to go to the museums and galleries to get acquainted with their history and culture and art. I really don’t like museums, for me they are almost all like, ‘here’s a piece of stone, which the king someone saw lying on the ground, on his way home and bla bla bla.’ I can see that very stone or the tools they were using online. But in the cities I walk not like a tourist, but as an inhabitant of that very city, trying to feel myself a part of it and just see the beauty of everything. This is what I call acquaintance with culture or country. The buildings, the streets, the ruins, people and their spirit represent the country with its everything.

One thing I didn’t like was the huge amount of tourists, who were, I think intentionally, standing in the places, where I wanted to take a pic, or just wanted to see something. Annoying mortals, didn’t let me enjoy the view of the city completely. Yes, I am obsessed with cities and nature and building and animals, and everything but people, I don’t love them, sorry not sorry. 

Anyway, instead of spamming the IG, I decided to upload some photos here. I know it’s too much, but there is still a video coming, so haha 


Christmas Throwback ๐ŸŽ„

The 19th Christmas of my life. The last one of my teenage years. How fast time flies. It feels like yesterday, when I was getting ready for the previous Christmas. I started remembering all decembers, all New Years that I have had, and I wanted to share my nostalgic mood โ„๏ธ

Christmas and New Year were always my favorite holidays, I loved them even more than my birthday. I really loved looking how the city got decorated with all the lights and christmas trees. I loved watching the same movies like Home alone and I never got tired of them. I always loved decorating the house, I always had some ideas of decorations, which I thought were really cool, but now, as I look over the old photos, I really laugh at myself and my decorating skills as I was a child. Writing a letter to Santa Claus, and than waiting for him to appear. Spying on my parents, trying to see whether they put the Santa’s presnet under the tree or not.Getting something that I wanted for a long time was one of my favorite things. But in reality, it wasn’t about the presents.I loved them, of course, but it’s not what I remember now, what I got. I remember how I was searching in the house for my presents, when my parents weren’t home, but even after finding them, I never opened them, because it would ruin the excitement. I remember ‘stealing’ my mother’s make-up, and re-presenting her her own lipstick, for instance, how clever I was. And I always made cards, which made my parents really happy. I remember the smell of burned candles, of citruses and fake snow. How we always create some games to play with our guests, and our home-parties were the best ones. How we always dressed up something funny, and dance and sing. And how we play snowballs and made a snowman not only with children, but also with adults, who, btw, enjoyed playing more than us. I am very lucky to have such amazing memories, because in the end all we really have is memories, so we should try to live the perfect life, to have then the perfect memories. A lot has changed since I was a child. Now we don’t play games with our guests anymore, or dress up, because everybody seems to be tired with these holidays and everything. People make Christmas only about eating and presents. They don’t enjoy the spirit of the holiday, which makes me really sad. When I was a child, we didn’t have everything that we have now. Nobody did. There were a lot of things that were hard to find and to buy, but still, the holidays of that times were real, were merry, and bright. I am really glad that my family still enjoys  Christmas and has some traditions or habits connected with it. One thing that hasn’t changed for me, is the fact that I still love and enjoy and believe in Christmas as I did as a child. And it’s not about Christmas only, it is the attitude towards life. How we picture everything, the same way we get it. 

And I don’t know how, but memories make me both happy and sad at the same time, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be (I feel you, Charlie). But I still smile whenever I remember something, which I think is a good sign. Never let your inner child die. Rejoice everything good, and all the bad things will not be so important anymore. 

And it’s still too early to write Merry Christmas, isn’t it? ๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿป