Face to face with God πŸŒŸ

People who know how to listen, will always hear the answers.

I hate when people think that they are the only responsible ones for their lives. When they think they can control everything going on in their lives. They believe in God, but their faith is connected with artificial religion, which was created by people. They don’t believe in destiny or that their lives is already planned way before they were born. Everything we do now, it’s mostly not our choice. I don’t talking about which muffin to eat, which top to wear, but about great life choices. We are just the puppets of God. Well, not the puppets, it was kind of rude, but we are parts of God. Everyone has a part of God in themselves, which is called the soul or spirit. And don’t consider God to be an old man with long white beard and white dress. You are confusing him with Gendalf. God is energy. Universal energy, which created everything, including us. What are we? Energies. So we are a part of the universe in the same way as our finger is a part of our body. Why I am describing everything in details, is because it will help to understand my main saying. The Universe or God controls us the same way as we control our fingers. But here is a great but. Sometimes we rebel, and stray from the plan. That’s when we completely change our lives and not for the goodness. We will eventually come back to our drawed life way, but we will suffer way too much and we will have lots of problems and troubles. But we are still not alone. When we need something, we can always connect with God, and ask him to help us. God never lets us alone. Our problems, bad situations are just lessons that we need to learn and then to pass the exam of it. So when I say those who will listen will always hear the answers, I mean if you turn to God with your thoughts, problems, questions, you will always find his help, if you pay attention. Don’t seek for God in churches. He is everywhere and most importantly he is in ourselves. When you ask him not to just solve your problems with a magic wand (this time you’re mixing him with Dumbledoor dears), if you ask him to help you pass your lesson or exam of life more easily, or to help you understand the main reason of your problem, he will definitely not make you wait too long. 

And again. Personal experience. When I have something on my mind, something that isn’t necessarily a big problem I always find something that I feel that it’s God speaking with me face to face. It’s either a conversation with family or friends, lines in movie or book, or in this case homework. Whatever. So here’s how it goes. I asked for help. He gave me. And now it’s my decision whether to accept and pay attention to it or not. If I don’t, I can’t later complain that God never helped me. In this case he will just throw a heavy brick on me and kill me off. Just kidding. 

And this is what I understand. God always helps. It’s people, who don’t always accept it. God isn’t guilty of us being idiots. We are. Just believe, it’s the best thing you can do. Don’t connect your faith with religion or anything. It is something that is inside you, nothing external can change or improve it. Dive deep inside of you, and you will find a whole new greater word.


Secrets and Lies βœ–️

I’ve been thinking recently…what is the main problem of the human race? Well, maybe not the main problem, but one of the most important ones. And I realized, it’s all about the lies. It’s the lies that we tell our family, friends, society, the world, and most importantly ourselves. Since childhood we learn that it isn’t always good to tell the truth, because of many reasons. Don’t tell your parents about the broken vase or bad grades because they can be mad at you. Don’t tell your friend that you don’t actually like her new dress, because it will upset her. Examples here are countless. As we grow up, the lies grow up with us, they can become more serious. We lie, because we are too afraid. Afraid of judgement,  bad response, not understanding, which all lead to the greatest fear of being alone. People are afraid that if we tell the truth, our close people will leave us, will not talk to us anymore. And that’s the problem. Someone told us in childhood that it isn’t too bad to lie, and we keep lying in our whole lives. These lies later become secrets which we have to remember perfectly to correspond to what we’ve said a week or month ago. And these secrets become the burden that we carry through our life and which makes us unhappy. 

After thinking more about this. I also realized that we lie because we ourselves are not ready to hear the truth. Sometimes we ask the question and we want to hear what our hearts want, not the other person’s real opinion. We want to hear that we look good, that our new clothes are beautiful. We are afraid of our close people being mad at us even when we know that it won’t be forever. We would rather hear that our friend is sick than that he is just not in the mood of going out. And sometimes people lie so much, that they stop believing the truth. They can’t believe that you actually don’t feel good, if they have told this same lie a hundreds of times. They can’t believe that you truly love their new photo or dress. Isn’t this all pathetic? People live in lies and they don’t see the way to escape. In fact, this all feels normal and they don’t even want to find that ‘exit’.

The most awful part is when we start lying to ourselves. It is mostly when we don’t do what we like, but we persuade ourselves, that we actually like it. We actually want to marry someone not because we don’t want to stay alone, but because we truly love them. We want to study because we really know what we want in life and want to learn it, not because everyone else keeps saying that we should study. And so on. And that’s how people start faking their lives. Fake favorite jobs. fake relationships or friendships, fake happiness. Everything is done not to stay alone, not to be different, not to be judged. And then we complain about everything that we have in our lives and say that this world and our lives suck.

But imagine the world without all the secrets and lies. Not even the white ones. Not even the lies to yourself. Everything would be so much easier if everyone told the truth. If you don’t want to tell the truth, just don’t say anything at all, it is better than lying. I can’t tell now that I don’t lie at all. I mean sometimes you just can’t stop it. You can’t say to a teacher that you don’t care about his/her lesson or subject, so you have to make something up. But in other cases I just stopped lying and stopped caring about the side effects. And though at first it was strange and a little awkward , and people sometimes didn’t understand me. Like why do you want to stay home and chill when you can go out? But throughout time they will understand. They will accept you with all your weird things and will respect you even more for your sincerity. And those who won’t believe and understand are not your kind of people. Or just they can’t see the world without lies.

So, to make our lives easier and more pleasant we can all start saying the truth without any fears. Let’s be frank. And first of all to ourselves. I will start. If someone asks me to choose betwen a close person or a ticket to Hogwarts…I’m sorry, I don’t have time to  talk, I gotta go pack my stuff for Hogwarts. 

Sweet Summertime 🌻

Who has a lot of things to study for  upcoming exams and still re-reads ‘Dandelion Wine’ and gets super excited for summer? Yaay, me ! Honestly, I hate the weather in summer, because it’s too damn hot, but the fact that there are no lessons and exams and plenty of spare time to do anything you want really fascinates me.  

For me summer doesn’t necessarily begin on first June. It can begin earlier or a bit later. As in ‘Dandelion Wine’ summer has its own rutine for me. When you feel it’s actually summer and not from the calendar. No. You know it from the birds singing early in the morning, from the light fresh breeze that makes you feel really cool, from all these fruits and vegetables that become your everyday meal. You know it’s summer, when you hear children playing and making noises in the yard, or when the neighbors get together to play cards, or just talk and laugh. And though all this noise sometimes  drives you crazy, you still enjoy it, because it’s summer, it’s a part of it. When everyone gets out to their balconies and put the chairs to sit there in the evenings and feel the atmosphere of freedom. It’s when you make crazy plans with your friends, and sometimes you don’t even fulfill all of them, but still it’s fun, because you have something to share together, to dream together, that’s what matters the most. It’s the time when you write bucket lists for your holidays and share them with your friends and family. You find new recipes to make something from the yummy fruits, you make lists of movies and books, or think about all the things you can do to make this summer unforgettable.

My favorite part is when you stay up all night, listening to old and new songs, or just to the sound of grasshoppers. You feel the smell of summer-nights, and don’t you dare to tell me these nights don’t have a smell, because they do. They smell like freedom, like life, like memories. All the memories that you’ve had through years, they are all collected in songs and the air of summer-nights.  And you feel how much you and the world have changed. You are not a little kid anymore, playing games all day long. But somehow you are still the same. With the great expectations and dreams, with the same positive and full of love attitude towards the upcoming summer, life or world. You live a whole life throughout a night. You see how a city fells asleep, becomes silent and hush for a while and then wakes up with the dawn. The birds begin to sing again, the sun rises, and everything starts all over again with new energy.

I wonder if everyone has the same routine for their summers. Or just other routine, does everyone have it? When they feel the summer and everything connected with it. The sun, the flowers, the wind, which makes you feel like in a paradise after a hot day. Does everyone have the evening walks and highly psychological conversations with friends till midnight? Or the lazy days with great movies ice-cream and popcorn? Or the expectation to jump into the pool just to chill, or to get out of the city even for an hour, just to breathe fresh air and get away from rushing city? I’m lucky that I do. Like a child I always expect something great and magical from the summer. And it never disappoints me. That sweet summertime. 🌞❣️

Me, myself and I β˜―️

Have you noticed that whenever you ask someone who is the most important person in their life, the answer is always something like, my mother/father/friend/husband etc. I’ve never heard someone saying that they are the most important person in their lives. It really makes me think about our priorities. Why don’t we ever value ourselves? Why do we think that everyone else is more important than we are. Everyone keeps saying that we should be altruistic and think of other people and only then think of ourselves, but why? Would it be egoistic, thinking about yourself first? Hell yes, but who said that egoism is a bad thing? On the contrary, it is not only normal, but also a great thing. Of course everything is good within some limits, but thinking about yourself, your well-being, your comforts isn’t a bad thing. We were born alone, and we are going to die alone. But also our whole life we live alone. I’m not saying that we don’t have close people, who can always help and support you, but, let’s be real, no one can feel the pain that you feel, when you break your leg, when you have a headache etc. No one can feel what’s going inside your head when you truly fear something, when you have a panic attack or depression. No one, but you. The others can understand and support you, but they can never feel it the way you do. Or when you do something that you enjoy, when you get obsessed with another book or tv-show, only you can truly understand yourself and your love with it. So, doesn’t it mean, that you’re your only closest and best friend or person? I think it does. And if so, why we always put ourselves on the last place? Trying to adapt and agree with everything, even if it is not in our favor? We always try to be liked and appreciated, when in reality we don’t like and appreciate ourselves. We always do something we don’t wanna do, because of others opinion, because of some stereotypes, or because someone might be offended if you won’t do what they want. We always try to please everyone, our parents, fruends, the teacher, the society, but why? I mean, I don’t think that your parents would love you less if you didn’t become the most successful and richest economist or lawyer in the world, if you won’t feel happy from that. Your friends will not get offended if you didn’t do something for them, if they are your real friends. And I don’t mean, that we should never help anyone or we should  only live for ourselves, no. If you feel, that you can and you truly want to do something for another person, do it. But even if you can, and you don’t want to, you better not do it, because it will only harm both of you. If you don’t feel comfortable than don’t do it just to please them. Because only you will know how bad it feels or how uncomfortable or insecure you are, and no one will understand you. 

And, in the same way, don’t expect everyone to help you, to do something for you. Don’t connect your aims, dreams plans with anyone, because everyone gets their own lives and no one must do anything for you. Don’t force the others to do what you want, because throughout some time, you will have no one by your side. No one likes to be commanded or forced to do anything.

I think, this is one of the most important things that we should be taught at school. Not the unnecessary history, like who killed whom, who was the king like 1800 years ago. Or chemistry or maths or whatever. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say that we should be uneducated, but frankly, who still remembers what they learned in school?~Awkward silence… Wouldn’t it be better, if we learn how to be happy, how to live this life, what is the real friendship or relationship? The universal truth, that, unfortunately, not everyone knows. Faking our personalities, friendships  or relationships, being forced to do something we don’t wanna do, living the life, we don’t wanna live. Playing like puppets or actors in a movie, we don’t wanna even watch. And then complaining, complaining, complaining…Nope, I don’t want to live like this, I didn’t sign for it.

Everything will change if you learn to live for yourselves, to live your happy lives. Lear how to appreciate and love yourself, start saying no without any explanation, justification or apology. Stop saying sorry for everything, for a better opportunity, better life or the last slice of pizza. Prioritize your life correctly, and put yourself, your physical and mental health, you comfort, your goald and dream on the first place. Will people get offended when you refuse to do what they want? Yes. Is there a possibility that they can leave you and not talk to you? Hmm, yes. But do you really need this kind of people? No. Your closest people will stay with you anyway. And believe me, you won’t even care about anyone alse or their opinions once you are truly sincerely happy.

Spring changes 🌿

If you’re waiting for a sign to do something, or start something, this is it, this is your sign.

One of the flaws of all people, is that we are always waiting for something and putting off our lives, dreams and goals.  We wait for a better moment, better opportunity and so on, while our days are just disappearing, leaving only the memories of unfulfilled dreams. But in reality all we have is now, and we should start living our dreams and not only dreaming them. And though we can change our lives at any moment, spring is the best time for doing it. Personally, spring is my most favorite season, along with summer, autumn and winter. Oh wait, but there’s only four of the seasons,,,exactly! I love seeing how the nature changes, how the trees grow, blossom and then say goodbye to their leaves for a while. The more I grow up, the more I feel the connection of me and nature. I don’t want to be like all the humans, with their “busy heads and problems”. I want to be like nature. Always in a harmony, in peace, concentrating on my inner self, my real dreams, my soul and my intuition. Why I say that spring is the best time for changes, is because only now people can see, that even after autumn storms and wind, and cold snowy winter days, everything goes back to normal. The grass grows, flowers bloom as though there were no cold autumn and winter in their lives. It’s a normal, natural cycle. After some great times and achievements you can face some disappointments and failures, but it’s not a reason to give up, to think that life is over and you are not able to change anything. I hate when people say, I can’t change anything. Hell no. If you really want to, you will. You can stop thinking about difficulties, prejudices, people’s opinions and start living your life the way you want. 

Again, one of the good features of the nature is the concentration on itself. I mean, we, people, always compare ourselves to others, and not in a good way. We think that the others are better, smarter or more beautiful than us. We have created some stereotypes in our dumb heads, and want to correspond to them, when in reality, all the stereotypes and definitions are illusions. Just imagine two different types of trees, or animals, thinking that they are not as good as the other one, and start to imitate each other. A rose trying to look like a lilac, or an elephant, trying to look like a wolf. Funny, isn’t it? And we do the same. And yes, I can compare people to nature and animals, because we are all the same. Some with greater intelligence than the others, but still the same. And guess what? We are not the ones with greater intelligence in this case. 

Just stop whatever you are doing and look out of the window or go outside alone. Look at all the trees and bushes and flowers. Try to feel them, feel your connection to them. See how beautiful and peaceful they are. How they enjoy the drops of the rain. How they gain energy from the sun. How the rain washes away all the negative and dirty stuff, giving a clear fresh start to everything. How the Sun warmes us and gives us light and life. How the clouds swim peacefully in the sky, how beautiful and mild, but at the same time, how powerful they are. And remember that we are also the same. We can stop comparing us to other people with their flaws, and start paying more attention to the flawless great nature and try to change the negative and bad that we have. We are a part of nature. If we shut up all the stupid thoughts that our brain is creating for us, we will hear our soul and our heart’s desire. We will finally find our real selves. And that’s what the true meaning of this life is.

Mischief Managed ⚑️

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good “

These lines, this story, my life.  People used to tell me that this is just a phase, and it will go away. They can’t even realise how wrong they were.  For all the mugles, who will read this and be confused, I’ll explain. I’n talkin now about Harry Potter, aka a part of my life. Why I suddenly felt inspired of it, is because I haven’t watched all the movies for almost two years. Can you imagine it Carl? Two years! It’s like if a normal person wouldn’t sleep for like two days, that’s what it means to me. I just re-watched the third part of the franchise, and that’s why I feel so inspired now. 

You know the feeling when you watched a movie, for example three years ago, and then, when you re-watch it, you remember that period of your life? When I watch Harry Potter, I can remember my whole life, without any exaggerations. I can remember the first time I watched this third movie, when I just bought the cassette tape with it, imagine now, how old is this memory. I can remember me watching the movie in my first grade, second grade, and so on, until now. What I mean, is it wasn’t just a phase. It was a great part of my childhood, teenage years, of my life. It was never just an interest, that I’d read and watch and then forget.

A lot of people wonder why it is so important for me. I don’t think I can give a satisfying explanation but I can try. I grew up with Harry. He grew up with me. I was there for him in his difficult times, and vice versa. When I had problems, difficulties, I always remembered that I wasn’t alone. This story, and Hogwarts was like a home for me,  a shelter, where I could hide from everythin, where I felt myself good and safe. Hogwarts is more close to me, than my real school ever was. When I think of it, I imagine a very cozy, warm and happy place, where I can always find help and peace. Being an extraordinary and creative child, it was always hard live in a normal and boring world. So the imaginary world of HP always helped me get through this life. I always cried and rejoiced for everything in that story, and I know that it’s kinda stupid, but I always felt like the story did the same for me. And nothing has ever changed until now. 

The music is a whole other topic to talk about. I love to listen to the soundtracks of the movies, they are too damn perfect. I once wrote that, while listening to these songs, I don’t want to breathe, because I am afraid that I can lose the music that is inside me. I can’t describe the feeling that I have when listening to this music. It’s goosebumps all over my body, butterflies in my stomach, and a hard but at the same time an amazing feeling in my heart. I don’t just listen to the songs. I live with and by them. Especially in rainy gloomy  weather, when I can feel more like in HP world. The dark sky and lush green trees and the croak of ravens remind me so much of Hogwarts, and it is the best combination for me.

I really hope that nobody will take me to a mental hospital after all this weird stuff that I wrote. I just haven’t felt so good and inspired for a very long while. I’m just forever thankful to HP for breaking into my life and changing it forever, changing me forever. I am absolutely sure that I wouldn’t be the same person as I am now without it. And I’m always grateful for that. 

Gothic Vienna πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή

How fast time flies. It feels like it was yesterday, that I was living my dream in Vienna, and now I’m back  home, left with memories and photos only. So, I’d like to summarize my little holiday week in a blog with all my impressions and photos.

I want to start by saying that it was a city of gloomy weather. And not because I love that weather. It just felt right when it was cloudy, and incomplete when sun was shining. All the buildings were in different colors with red or dark brown roofs, and their brightness was more definite when it was cloudy. And also everything was built in my lovely gothic style, so the gloomy sky made it more mysterious. Especially in evenings, when I was walking in parks or around churches, and there were not so many people, I truly felt myself like in  Tim Burton’s movies, which was one the best feelings I could have. 

Though the buildings were in different colors, the whole city was united and in a harmony, something that I hadn’t seen in a while. You walk in streets, and you can feel that everything is in its place, there is no unnecessary redundancy. It became more obvious, when we went to the top of the tower of a church, and saw the panorama of the city. Oh my God, I can still see that in my head, the most beautiful thing I’ve seen, except for sea. It was like a little victory, a sense of achievement that I will never forget.  You could see not only the beauty, but also the harmony and calmness of the city. And I couldn’t imagine that this all was created by humans, because it was heavenly beautiful. And I am using the word heavenly, a word that I used before only for describing nature, so, imagine how good it was.

I loved that city. Have I already said it? Well, yes, but I don’t care, I loved it. You know the feeling, that you don’t belong to the place where you live? You are like a white crow of the society, everywhere you go, you feel odd. It’s not that I am bad and the others good or vice versa. It’s just not your place, not your culture, people or even climate. When you feel  that the place where you live is kind of toxic for you, and not because it’s bad. It can be the most beautiful and cool city in the world, but still it’s not yours. So that’s me, the story of my life. Just in a week I felt that it was my motherland, I looked at people, strangers, and they felt like, I don’t know, relatives, or close people to me. As I believe in reincarnation, I truly think that I was living there. Maybe not in  Vienna exactly, but in an old germanic country and culture. And my soul still desires for that city, it still feels comfortable and good there. And my main goal became clear, to live where my heart wants to be, and where I feel myself happy and free as a bird. 

So back to Vienna. The seven days felt both as an infinity and as a split second, which still is a weird thing for me. And I’ll give this city 10/10, because of all the things mentioned above. And also, you can’t consider your own spiritual motherland as a bad place, that is less than 10/10, can you? ❣️

The end of an era…

After a long deep conversation you feel like you need to write down everything you were just saying, because, though the conversation is over, the words are still speaking in your mind. 

Everything changes. I know I said it too much, but that’s the true. Every era ends, no matter whether it is a bad and sad era, or a good and happy one. And it just hurts, when you live your life now, you see some people and speak to them, laugh with them, but you know, that one day, these all will only be a memory. And even if that one day will come in 5 or 10 years, it still hurts to know that everything comes to its end. You are young now, you enjoy your life, have fun with your friends, but one day, you will be someone’s wife, someone’s mother, and the same will be with your friends. I am not saying that it is bad to be married, I’m bringing this as an example. You will not be same, and no one will. You can’t just sit and talk with your friends for hours like you used to do, when you become a mother, for example. You’ll have another interests or problems to think about. 

Or sometimes people just leave, and even if it’s for your own sake, there are times, that you miss the period of your life, when you spend your every day with that person. You don’t want that person to be in your life again, but you still think about your adventures together. Sometimes you miss the memories and not the person. And it’s true, it always is. A  person can still be in your life, you can still see them every now and then, but your connection or relationship is not the same, because you have changed, and because that person has chaned, and it doesn’t matter wherher you changed for good or bad, you are a different person now. I know that this is not a discovery, it is a true fact, that you always know. But it’s different to know and to realize. As Sherlock would say, “you see, but you don’t observe”. I always knew all these things, now that I am saying, but now it is a time for me to feel this, to feel the pain of the paradox of life. When you get comfortable in a place, with some people, the circumstances change, and you have to get used to something again, and that circle goes unbroken. Of course, I know, that everything has a reason, that everything happens for us to learn sth new, to develop our mind and soul, to go on another, higher spiritual level of life, but still, the truth hurts sometimes. 

All I wanted to say, is that, this will end either way, so it’s our decision, whether to enjoy this very moment completely, with our hearts and souls, or to think about past or worry about the future, loosing our life to live. It’s our choice to end up with memories or regrets. 

I don’t want to leave out my life. And  sometimes I write all this stuff not to inspire others, but to inspire myself, to see my thoughts or worries  in a formed way, to have the right motivation to live. Because, who am I kidding, we are all  more or less egoistic, and the first person we think of, is ourselves. Which isn’t that bad in reality, but this is a whole other story. πŸ”š

Where’s the world I used to live in? πŸŒ

Today was one of my nostalgic days, looking through the old photos and remembering everything. And I discovered for myself a very important thing. This world isn’t the same anymore. Primitive? Yeah, everyone says that, but I don’t think everyone really gets that. People used to be so much happier, brighter and lighter (in both senses of the word) than they are now. People knew how to live, how to have fun. When I was a child, there weren’t such luxurious cars and houses and phones and so on, everything was simple, and poorer, but it seems like people didn’t care about that. When it snowed, for example, nobody was complaining that much. They didn’t think about the inconvenience or  dirt, everyone was going outside and playing, and I am not talking about the kids only. I am talking about the same adults that now behave themselves like Scrooges. And people were less careless, but much simpler and kinder. Everyone’s houses were almost the same, little, old, but really warm and cozy, because you could feel the spirit of the home, and not just a house where people just eat and sleep. I look through the pictures of birthdays, New Years, or just gatherings, and I see the sincere joy, how people enjoyed their time, sitting and talking about stuff, dancing or playing sth. Now everything is compulsory. To go to someone’s birthday not because you want to, but because you have to, it’s not polite and rude and bla bla bla. Because people forgot what it means to have real fun. Because whenever you try to make a conversation it usually begins with complaining and negativity. People are becoming robots, machines, that have some functions in their frames and they must do them. 

I really miss that times, and I really pity the fact, that we can’t turn time back and have now what we had before. And I’m looking through the photos…2000, 2003, 2006, 2008, 2010 and so on.. Everything is becoming newer, more beautiful, more luxurious, the houses the streets the cars. And in the contrary, people are becoming sadder more depressed and you can totally see that on their faces, the unhappy faces, like they have the world’s problem. And that’s the thing. That’s what I understood. People and their lives are getting richer, while the persons and their souls are getting poorer. And the worst part is that it is unalterable. Even if you try to live, let’s say, out of this material world, it will not change the whole world. 

And every time I am getting more sure that happiness is not money. It’s not wealth, it’s not the new iphone 7, which, in fact is almost the same damn thing as iphone 6. And if someone “is the happiest person in this world” because he/she got the new iphone, or a car for example,  I am really sorry for that person because he/she doesn’t know what is real happiness. Of course it’s great to get happy for everything, even for a chocolate for instance, but you can’t connect your happiness with materialistic stuff. It feels like I am repeating the same thing over and over again, but that’s what’s going on in my head now, and I think I could write volumes on this subject. 

Happiness is so simple. It’s inside us, inside every single one of us. And it’s the highest level of absurd   trying to find it somewhere else, connect it with someone or something, while in reality it lives in our souls. I really hope that everyone would understand that and stop the process of robotization, just thinking about money, how to get it, how to keep it, how not to lose it. You will not have money when you die, but you’ll have your souls. Don’t let them die before your bodies do. 

P.S. when I say everything or everyone I don’t literally mean it, I am really happy that there are still many exceptions. It’s just easier to speak with generalization.